Tied to my Tao

To go back, continuously, as if there was something unsolved. Each time living the same situations, the same life, the same grueling lie.

Those were the most difficult years, years that I myself find it hard to believe that I lived and let myself experience.

I didn't know much about the Tao then, not as I know it now.

Now I can see how all those situations that I had left suspended, were waiting for nothing but seeing me return, standing by with a proud and irreverent look.

The eternal movement of yin yang has dragged me fiercely through the middle and I know that I will be caught in the eternal cycle over and over until my spirit is able to step out and rise above to finally observe what holds me still blocked.

I feel chained to my own life, unable to escape a fate that I often struggle to understand. And I float limply in a river whose current is too strong for me to go upstream; helpless, I would like to let go and allow the power of my thoughts to finally drag me down.

Maybe, just so I could understand that I am not able to control everything.

The wisest me has always known that there was a universal current by which to let me rock and eventually ride the wave, but unfortunately, the rational me loved too much to fight everything and everyone and lived to prove to herself that reason was worth more than happiness.

Now I know that there are no paths or indications in the Tao, the Tao is a circle. And I will continue to circulate with the seasons and with the overwhelming alternation of day and night.

Only the light, free and enlightened spirit knows the way since by its nature it has no interest in knowing it.

Letter to my past self

Dear Me,

I'm writing you this letter from the future to advise you on a couple of very important things.

First thing: a job is not owed to you.

The job market will be extremely different from what you had been taught and from what you had imagined. The perfect job will not knock at your door and your skills will not be magically revealed from the attentive reading of your resume. Use social media, but don't you think for a minute they'll make things easier. The personal touch will be lost and all communications are going to be more distant than ever, you'll be required to double your efforts to make recruiters understand how good you are. The job market place is not like school! To be good, even to be the best is not enough. Your future Cum Laude (yes, we got it…) is not a key with which open the perfect job door, sometimes it will be a burden and you may have to justify the fact you were able to study and work altogether because being a nerd is not enough to get a job.

Second thing: travel. 

Our region is wonderful, all mountains and nature, but you have been living there all your life and the world is out there. The United States experience is not going to be enough, you'll desire and thrive for more adventures. Traveling opens minds, it teaches you to improve your skills and to find the courage to confront yourself with all sorts of problems. Multicultural environments are not only enriching but also a great school to learn more about yourself, your limits, and your potential, never avoid confrontations. 

Third thing: curiosity.

Be curious, always! George the monkey was right, being curious is the key to success. The old school is good for learning, but it's old. Be wary of those who are going to tell you: "we have always done this way" or "I'm older so I am always right" or "Your way is wrong just because your ideas are new and disruptive". You will not be always right (of course!), but sometimes you'll be. Don't be afraid to bring your ideas to life, because if you don't, someone else will, it always happens. Read a lot, learn a lot, invent a lot. Try and don't stop, failures are only another way to climb the ladder to success. 
I really wish it were possible to send this letter to my past self, but I know it is not. Ten years ago I didn't know about all this, and maybe without those experiences (good and bad), I couldn't have today either. I can only think about what my future self would tell me to do today. I think she will encourage me to travel, read, update my cv constantly and always try something new. Change. Change is the key, adapt and evolve. 

After all:

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

Everybody has got the force - being disruptive in the free Galaxy

As the new Chapter of the Star Wars saga is presented all over the world, so the "force" has came back in our daily conversations.I often wondered why in the movies, only few people had the force. In the end I figured that in real life everybody has got the force, but only few people are willing to leave behind them all the negative feelings they feel in order to activate the force and let it flow the right way. Others feel so strong with their bad feelings, that they will cross easily to the other side, using the force for personal reasons. The Tao explains this theory very well: the balance is the secret. We all have some good inside us, but so we are born with some evil. All of us have a great force inside us, like a huge flashlight. You can decide to point it and let it guide you to a precise direction, or keep it turned off and drag yourself in the dark, living life following the light of others. Or you could point it at the eyes of your enemies and blind everyone around you with your arrogance and cockiness. In the end is always a choice: should I sacrifice myself for the greater good and risk to be defeated with honor, or should I win blinding my enemies? Should I keep my force turned off for my entire life, so I won't risk to do the wrong thing? 

This reminded me of entrepreneurship. We all think, at least once in our life, how wonderful will be being the boss, decide the rules, do something we love.But to do something like this, you need the force, a lot of it!Not everyone is ready to take the blame, to let the worries flow and guide the others in the pursuing of a personal dream. It may be easier if you are just after the money, the profit and you are willing to pollute, crush and step on in order to get there, up there with the big big Companies. The dark side is always the easiest. I am now working on a project, a business idea revolving around the connection between the people and the planet, connecting the producers with the consumers, truly, in a "real" and sincere way. I realized that you really need a lot of force, only to think about a project like this. Why shouldn't I sit on a comforting chair, paid by someone else who is following its own dreams? It would be much easier, much safer! But when you feel the force, or the disruption grow inside you, it's impossible to stay put on a chair. When you feel that you have to do something, then it's worth trying. I got there thanks to Wayne Dyer. When he departed I read a lot about his life and I decided to watch this movie: the Shift. It really changed me and it changed my vision of life. I quit my desk job and started teaching Tai Chi again waiting for my other idea to develop. In the exhausting process of entrepreneurship, many times I will think about turning back, let my weaknesses drag me to the dark side of easy solutions and sacrifice of my own ideals. But since I think we are all Jedi deep down, I will keep fighting for the ideas I believe in. Somehow, when you are doing something good, you don't feel alone anymore, it's true: the force is everywhere, in everyone, you just have to believe in it and switch it on. 

"The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." Ben to Luke

It's never too late to do a box jump (even into a new career)

Yesterday I jumped 50 cm with my feet together, starting from a standing position onto a box. Nothing special you may say, but for me it was huge. For all my life I used to be afraid of jumping, yes Sirs, afraid of jumping. I could jump maybe 10 cm and still I was afraid to fall, to crumble or to twist an ankle. Was it because I had been told I couldn't jump? Was it a childhood trauma?It doesn't really matter now, because today I jumped and I now I am free, I can jump whenever I want. All the limits where only in my head, it may sound obsolete, but it's true.In that excess of happiness I became suddenly serious thinking about all the things I haven't done in my life because I was afraid, because I set the limits, because I was told I couldn't.

I thought about all the work opportunities I haven't apply for because I believed I wasn't skilled enough to try, I thought about all those times I bit my tongue during meetings because my opinion was probably not strong enough and about when I wanted to relocate and I couldn't trust my abilities to start a new life.Basically I lived walking on a straight line with my dreams waiting on the other side. All I had to do was jump, jump to the other side and prove myself and others that I could do whatever I want. I wondered why it was much easier to demonstrate that strength only when it was asked by others and not when demanded for my self, by myself. Was it me the girl who graduated in Economics with the highest grade, when the only one in the class who hadn't studied Economics before? Was it me the the Italian, not speaking English very well, obtaining an A mark at the Harvard Extension School? Then, why that same person couldn't be courageous enough to jump for her dreams? 

I decided that I am done analyzing the past, but from now on I want to jump whenever I can, whenever I want, whenever I feel it's the right jump to do. A skill can be learned, a book can be read, a software can be studied, but passion is genuine and I shouldn't have never doubt my passion, my determination and my intelligence, because those are the things that makes you jump higher.

Luckily is never too late to change our thoughts, to expand our vision and remove our limits, so I will not accept any job offer out of fear, I want to reach new heights and achieve new results, but mostly I want to do something I love, maybe for the first time in my life.So pick a box and just jump on it, it's so liberating and inspiring that it could lead to some very good content!

The greatest risk is really to take no risk at all. You've got to go out there, jump off the cliff, and take chances.Patrick Warburton

A job is pretty much like a love story - nothing lasts forever

Lately I have started to think about how many jobs I have changed, about those I've turned down and those few I would have loved to do but they didn't love me back.

Probably that's because a job is pretty much like a love story. 

There have been times when I really fell for a particular job, I courted it and I put myself out there in order to obtain it, but it didn't work. The disappointment was more or less the same I have experienced the many times I liked a man and he didn't know I even existed or he would tell me everything about his girlfriend. 

Think about interviews for instance: a ballet where interviewer and interviewed constantly exchange the predominant position to excel with perfect answer or the perfect question. I got so used to interviews that I find them hilarious now, I can easily predict the next question and anticipate the facial expression the interviewer will make about my school life etc... if only it was a television quiz!

Back to love and work. 

There are jobs about which you are not sure. Begin or not begin? Is it right for me? Am I going to be happy, satisfied and understood? 

Since no love story is perfect, you try it. You sign your contract and give it try. The first 60 days should be the best they say, but the embarrassment of not knowing where to put your hands, what to say and what to do, just reminds me of something...

Anyway, if you survive those amazing trial periods and nobody ships you back, then you're in. The real story begins and you start to see that it wasn't so perfect as it felt the first days, but if you really enjoy what you are doing is not impossible to wipe out the flaws. After all a relationship is never easy, sometimes you will have to fight and resist, even when the other is not at its best. 

Then, here it comes: the other job. Someone offers you a position, right in the middle of your other experience which is difficult, hard sometimes, heart wrecking maybe, but still, it has been there for you when you had to improve, achieve new certifications or ask for a new pc. 

Your curiosity may allow you to flirt a little, so you talk with their HR and see what this new job has to offer. Of course it sound better, richer and more attractive! 

So now what, my dear loyal worker? 

Most of us, well maybe just me, would make a long list with pros and cons of both choices and in the end will choose out of sympathy, guilt and affection. 

Finally, you'll have the break up. 

"It's not you, it's me"  "I am not right for this position! Don't you see?"

"I need more, you are not listening to my ideas!"

"We are just not made for each other, I need sometimes for myself, to think about my future."

"But you know what? I wish you to find the best candidate possible, I am sure that you'll have a great relationship together."

Then there are the disruptive people like me. Out of the box. With a lot of ideas, creativity and energy. To find the perfect mate becomes even harder when you are not suitable for ordinary; I am not being arrogant, just realistic. Because if can write about it, it's because I lived it all.

So, in the end I must say that I am still waiting for my soulmate, but I am happy that I have made a lot of friends in the meantime.